blog post 2: the second one

how much do you charge for a transorbital lobotomy? MAY 21, '23

heyyy girlies it's me i'm back

i'm touching this thing again bc teeth wants to make a webbed site and i wanted to brush up on working on this thing so i uhhh yeah that's what i'm doing. I'm making a new page on interests or whatever to rant about whatever i'm into at a given moment, i'm probably gonna ramble abt stardew or or OHH god im reading this book rn and the chapter i left off on was about Walter Freeman and the history of the transorbital lobotomy and it was really interesting i think i had a new mini hyperfixation drop or something! im not going in to work this week so i have until next SAT to work on whatever the fuck so i might autism my way into putting something together so i feel like i can accomplish something this week yk yk

YEAAAAAGHh,, anyway. welcome back, me!

blog post 1: untitled

he could fix me istg Jan 21, '23

oughhh hi pussy poopers!!! been working on the site a lot these last couple of days! autism win! html css my beloveds! i have been collecting blinkies and stickers and etc and i am finally starting to like this new little project!

classes start on monday and i am as excited as i am nervous. i am excited to try to make some new friends but also scared out of my mind, but hope fully since i am in writing classes there wil be some like minded (read: autistic) people who won't totally suck (read: be willing to talk to me). It has been an interesting weekend to be sure, but I have been struggling with some things and I sincerely hope that it doesn't cause me the same difficulties I had in september.

I had an 'episode', of the PTSD flavor two nights ago (the 19th) + a little dissociation. No actual flashbacks this time, mental affect was really static and numb. I experienced tremors and elevated heartrate, intense feelings of dread and anxiety, and tics, which is what worries me the most. I have't had tics in months, and they were bad enough that I spilled water on myself while drinking, which has never happened before. I know the events that likely triggered the episode, and I'm not happy to report that these are things that I would really rather not confront, or even admit are 'bad' or 'traumatic'. I am trying to admit they happened though, to try to resolve them in my head, though I worry that that will only exacerbate the trouble I have with flashbacks and other aspects of my trauma. Yay.